Thoughts of a past boyfriend part 3

  

    After that first night together we began to see each other whenever our schedules allowed. 

Usually one of us would text or call the other just to say hi, and if neither of us were busy we would get together. Usually once or twice a week on average. 

    He would usually come over to my house in the late afternoon or early evening and I would cook us dinner, or we would order out. Sometimes we would watch a movie or just hang out and listen to music, talk, play a board game, and share our day and thoughts with each other.  He would spend the night with me on some of those nights and leave about 8 am on the mornings that I had to go to work. 

      He was older than me  as I mentioned, and about 61 at the time and  I was 35  ( about 2 years together at that point)  He was able to retire early due to him being in the military  and smart investing, where he now spent much of his time involved in a few non profit endevors which he enjoyed, giving his time to help others. One was raising money to help disabled children, and the other involved helping the elderly with health care and things like their electric or heating bills in the Winter or finding someone to fix their furnace and  seeing that they had groceries and good food to eat. This was one of the things about him that I found quite endearing, and probably one of the  reasons I fell for him. He was a decent and giving man and I grew very fond of him. I wouldn't say he was wealthy, but fairly well off  and he had a lot of time to devote to the things he was involved with.

    I became more comfortable getting out as Franni with his continued encouragement  but it was still difficult for me. Usually it was when we went out of town for a dinner or a drive sightseeing for the day to a few of the many places in Virginia.  A few times we went to the parks where we would go for long walks together or have a picnic when the weather was nice. This didn't bother me as much even though it was during the day, because we were not sitting in a restaurant where people had the time to take notice of me. Most paid me no mind at all, although I do remember getting a few looks a time or two. I always dressed age appropriate though, and properly for where we were going.  I did find out however that wigs are quite uncomfortable during the Summer !  A few times I  didn't wear one, or wore one of my short wigs that was more comfortable!

   I really enjoyed spending time with him and loved the way he kissed me! 

     By now, I was also getting fucked by him a few times a week or more and he had basically "broken me in"  because there was little if any pain unless he tried to fuck me in a different position that I wasn't use to.  Usually missionary with a pillow under my back and the "doggy" position were the most comfortable for me since his lovely black cock wasn't too big and fit inside my pussy perfectly.

      Some evenings I just wore my pajamas or panties to bed, but I loved  the whole  ritual of getting ready at bedtime....Making sure I smelled pretty, douching my pussy well, and putting on     

something sexy to wear whenever possible to entice him.  It excited me to know that I was just minutes away from getting fucked by him. I became completely addicted to how it felt and it was always on my mind whenever we were apart. I also liked the warm feeling of his cum leaking out of my pussy for much of the day after he left.  A sweet reminder of our time together. I started wearing Stayfree pads so that my panties would stay dry!                                                            

                                          

  He could be assertive, but he was always considerate of my feelings and that he wasn't being too rough with me, but at times I really enjoyed a good pounding until he exploded inside me. Nothing made me feel more complete, knowing that I was giving him pleasure as a woman would.  It made me a little sore at times, but I was always willing to give him what he needed.                                                  

    One evening he invited me over to his house and we had dinner. After dinner he told me he had something to say and wanted to know what I thought.  He told me that he loved me and he liked the way things were going between us, that he would like  to be in a relationship with me, or as much of a relationship as we could possibly have, seeing as I wasn't "out" at the time.  He told me he was thinking of having me move in with him, ( IF I wanted to)  BUT there were some things that I would have to agree to.

    A few of the things we went over were, since he was the man of the house that he had the final say in things. He told me that it had always been that way in his last marriage and it was just the way he was . He believed in traditional values. The man is suppose to lead, and the woman was expected to follow.  I could have an opinion of course, and he would consider it but he had the final say in all matters. 

                                                                        

    It was also his house, so anything pertaining to the house  I felt that I had no "say so" in anyway and wouldn't have wanted it any other way.  My obligation was to contribute 600.00 a month which I felt was very reasonable and less than half of  what I was paying for rent where I lived. 


    He also enjoyed cooking and was very good at it, but I agreed to cook at times. ( usually breakfast ) It was my responsibility as his live in girlfriend to keep the house clean in all the usual ways,  and to do all the laundry and dishes, which I accepted.  I would also do the grocery shopping most of the time.  I keep a spotless house anyway, so I didn't feel any of this was an issue for me, although Ill admit even though I fold and hang up clothes when they come out of the dryer, it really isn't my favorite thing to do, but it needs to be done.

          I told him that I loved him too, but I had a few concerns. My biggest being how was this going to look to my family and his, as well as the neighbors?  I wasn't out to my family at this point yet ( I'm now out to most of my family and a few male and female friends but that's all) 

    He explained I would appear as a male  roommate to family and friends. I would have my own separate room but it would be more for show than anything else, since he and I would be sharing his master bedroom together. There was a large walk in closet where I could have one side of it for my clothes and shoes as well as a large womans dresser with a mirror for my other things. 

    Needless to say I accepted his offer as well as my new role but I had to wait because even though I was on a month-to-month rent at my house, I felt it was only right to give my landlord a months notice so that he could find a new renter to take my place.

    It couldn't come fast enough and I felt like a little kid anxiously awaiting Christmas day! 
When it  finally did, he helped me move most of my things into a storage unit and I moved in with him. 

    From there I adapted quickly into my new role as his girlfriend and settled into what I can only describe as domestic bliss.  I was so happy with my new life and wondered where it was leading me. Was this the beginning of my "coming out?"

                        I honestly had no idea, all I knew was that I was in love.  


   

   


   

Thoughts of a past boyfriend Part 2

                                                                 Note to readers: 

Being into part two now,  I feel that my story will go into several parts and  it will be long at times. We were together for almost five years but I will try to talk about the things that were important as well as the fun and sexual things with as much detail as I can remember.  Thanks so much for reading, and feel free to ask my anything. I will gladly post your comments and glad to answer any questions! 

The restaurant was several miles from where we lived and near Wash. DC. 

Again, all I remember about the ride there were the emotions I was feeling that I mentioned earlier and sitting close to him in the car making small talk... Nervous and excited at the same time. 


When we arrived I just kept telling myself  that I had nothing to fear, it was all in my head and NOTHING was going to spoil the evening.  Honestly, this didn't help me at all from being nervous, but it did give me the push I needed to go out in public on a date with a man, presenting as a woman. I'm not sure if it was the hardest thing I've ever done, but it was pretty damn close.

The restaurant was small and quite charming from what I could tell. We walked in together and he held the door open for me. There were maybe two  other couples there ahead of us waiting to be seated. It was one of those restaurants that you can make reservations ahead of time, or simply go and sign in  and they take you when a table is available.  Danny made reservations which I was quite happy about, because this meant we would only be waiting a few minutes to be seated. ( Since we were about 10 minutes early) 

The dining area was dimly lit with low lighting and candles at each table, cloth napkins and tablecloths, ect.   It wasn't a five star Italian restaurant, but pretty close from what I could tell.

The hostess showed us to our table and we looked at the menu. Danny suggested a bottle of wine and I agreed,and while we were still looking the menu over, the waiter came to us and took our drink order. He was a younger guy probably in his early 30s or so and seemed pretty nice. Danny ordered the wine for us and I didn't have to say anything to the waiter at all. I just nodded and a few minutes later our waiter brought our wine and two glasses ,opening it and pouring each of us a glass.   I drank the first one pretty quickly trying to calm my nerves...lol

 Looking around though, I didn't see anyone paying us ( and me in particular) any mind at all. I also thought that because we were an interracial couple, it would draw attention to me, and I would be "read"  but I wasn't  embarrassed to be with him.

I had baked Ziti and cant remember what he had that evening. I do remember me having to use my best female  voice and actually tell the waiter what I was going to have.  I'm pretty sure I was "read" but I was still treated as nice as before, and got the …."and for you ma'am?" when asked what I was ordering and a " Your welcome ma'am" when I thanked him for explaining the dessert menu to me after the dinner...  It felt pretty nice !

Other than the woman giving me glance and being "read" by the waiter , it ended up being just fine and a very positive experience.

 When we got back to his car and drove away, I felt so good . I sat close to him in the car and I thanked him for dinner. He said "your welcome sweetie....See, there was nothing to worry about , was there?"...I told him " I suppose you're right...I overthink things"...."I know you do!" he exclaimed. 

We stopped at a red light on the way home and he kissed me. I told him I didn't have to go right home and he suggested going to his place, I said that was fine and we  cuddled up on the couch and watched a movie together but I ended up falling asleep. Danny woke me up and I think it was after 130 in the morning.

                         He kissed me .."Let's go to sleep"  he said.

 I don't remember me saying anything, but I followed him upstairs to his bedroom and  I fell asleep with his arms around me..... It felt wonderful!!

The morning came and when I woke up, he was lying on his back still asleep.     I was feeling a little horny and playful, so I rolled over and laid my head on his chest and gently ran my fingers through his chest hair.  It felt nice  but I started thinking about his cock. I wanted to touch it . I wanted to feel it..

I reached down and started touching him. 

 I could feel it growing in his underwear and it excited me. 

I wondered what it would feel like to have it inside me, but we hadn't done that yet, and besides, taking a cock in my "pussy" is something I have to prepare ahead of time for with a good douching, both to be extra clean as well as to be lubricated. 

He was awake now ( Obviously!)  and he seemed to be enjoying the attention, so being a girl who isn't afraid to go after what she wants, I helped him out of his underwear  where his cock was straining to be free.

I had only seen his cock the one other time when I milked him with my thighs, and only up close briefly when I kissed it afterwards. This time my head was in his lap and just inches away from it . 

                                              It was a beautiful sight.  

The picture above was the closest thing I could find to it but pretty close. It wasn't too long but it was thick which for me is a perfect fit, because sooner or later I was going to have it inside me...At least that was in my future plans  : )  You always hear stories about how black men are very well endowed, but not Danny. His cock was perfect for me from what I could tell.  

I started stroking it gently and could see a little droplet of precum on the tip again like before. ( it was something I grew to love about his cock.)  I started sucking on it playfully while he played with my hair, telling me how good it felt.  I loved how it tasted and the slightly musky smell. (If you have ever gone down on a man, you know exactly what I mean)

He wasn't forceful at all, he just laid back and was enjoying it, and I certainly was too!

I really enjoyed the fact that I was pleasuring him so much. It made me feel sexy, naughty, and empowered that I could have that effect on a man again.

 I actually felt that I was truly playing an important role. The role his wife use to have. It was also the first black man I had been with and it was very special to me. Danny also had only been with white women his whole life and preferred them, although as I mentioned earlier, he had never been with a girl like me before which was also a huge turn on for me.

I believe I had been sucking on his cock for about fifteen or twenty minutes when he told me he was getting close to coming. More as a warning to me it seemed, so that he wouldn't come in my mouth accidently. I looked up at him and playfully said "Yea?" "Are you gonna come baby?"   I went back to sucking him off and I felt him tense up and let out a groan, his hot semen filling my mouth. I choked a little bit, but kept going.  It had been awhile and I wasn't use to the taste of him yet, since this was the first time I had sucked his cock.

I giggled and wiped my mouth off and he chuckled a little bit too. "That was amazing sweetie" he said..."I'm glad, you seemed to enjoy it and I wanted to make you happy" I told him. " Well, you certainly did" he said. 

We cuddled and when we got up, he cooked us breakfast. He was a great cook and made us homemade breakfast sandwiches , coffee and juice.  I had things to get done at home and so he kissed me goodbye and I thanked him for dinner and a wonderful evening.

 I made my way home that morning, still dressed completely as a woman. Since my "sleepover" at his house wasn't planned I had no choice, but I got home and into the house without anyone seeing me ( I think)  I still live in the same house as I did then and have a older woman who is my neighbor. She's friendly but very nosey and she would have probably said something if she saw me ( this actually DID happen one time, and she DID say something, but luckily she thought it was some other woman )

From that day forward, he would call me to say hello and had me over a few times. I  pleasured him orally a few more times too, but I was  feeling a very strong urge and need for him to make love to me. I wanted him inside me.

I expressed this need to him after giving him a blow job on the couch one evening. He explained that he was feeling that urge too and that he wanted to make love to me...

His concern?

He wanted to be safe and wanted me to get tested at the doctor before we had intercourse. Maybe I should have suggested he get tested too, but I was pretty certain he hadn't been with anyone since his wife passed away, and I admitted before to him that I had let a man fuck me a few times without a condom awhile back so I felt it was a reasonable request, so he wanted me  to see a doctor and show him the results of the test.                                                                                                                   

So, I did what I had to do.

 I made an appointment and got tested and It took about a week to get the results. I came up clean and figured I would,but it was totally worth it so that we could  share this desire and joyous experience between us that I had been wanting for some time. 

We talked on the phone, I told him the good news and that I would bring the results over that evening when I saw him. He seemed pleased, and that evening I showed it to him, and that was that. 

Id like to say that he  got inside me that evening but all we did was cuddle, kiss and watch an old Steve McQueen movie on cable, ( One of my favorite old actors) which was fine with me, because it just seemed like the natural thing to do. A progression towards having a possible boyfriend. I liked him, and he liked me and I didn't want to move too fast. I wanted it to be perfect.

 I've always heard genetic women talk about this ...The perfect time and place, the mood being just right, ect. I didn't fully understand it, until I began to have these feelings myself which ran deeper than anything I had ever felt before.

 I  didn't realize it at the time I guess. It snuck up on me,  but I think this was when I  began to have real feelings for him and much more than the "puppy love" and lust I   had when I was much younger.  This was also after my marriage ended, and felt I was finally admitting to myself( at least) that I was attracted to men not just sexually, but emotionally as well. It scared me a little, but I felt deep down that I wanted more than just sex with a man now.  I longed for a relationship.                                                                        

  He was sweet, kind, successful, and very understanding  when I would talk to him about my gender issues, my sexuality, my family, my failed marriage,and even the mundane boring stuff like work.  He was even into NASCAR racing, headed a non profit, and a very giving person that I grew very fond of.

I called him late in the afternoon on a Friday.

 He said  was still at work but he said he would call me back in about an hour and he did. I asked him if he would like to come over that evening and I told him he could stay the night with me if he wanted to. He said that sounded good  and he would be over about 7:00

 I'm not sure if he was feeling what I was at the time, but I felt that if everything fell into place and felt right, that this would be the night that I was going to take him inside my "pussy"  and if so, I planned to give him pleasure beyond anything that he had ever felt before....No condoms...Nothing except skin on skin, and wanted to feel him climax inside me. I wanted his hot seed deep in me and wanted to know what it   felt like to be taken by this sweet man.                                                                                  

I wasn't too worried about what to wear to make an impression that night. That didn't really concern me much because I simply wanted to wear something  casual and cute. I wore light makeup and a cute pair of shorts, a blouse, and flats. much like any woman, although I did pick out something to wear if we made it into the bedroom. A purple and black nightie with matching panties that I laid out on my bed....just in case :)                                                                                                                       

 He brought over some light beer and we just listened to music and talked.  We kissed on and off and then went outside on the back patio because it was nice outside.It was early August, and the sound of crickets and the blinking  fireflies were all around in my backyard.                                                                                      

   He came up behind me and held me around the waist and started kissing me behind the ear and on the neck lightly which felt really nice and gave me "goosebumps" I could also tell he had a hard on because I could feel it against me while he was holding me. I turned around and we kissed for some time, then stopping, and kissing again, just looking at each other in between.                                                                                                

It felt very surreal, almost as if it wasn't me. Sort of like an "out of body" experience where I was in a movie or something, and I was watching it take place. That might sound pretty weird but the rush of feelings and adrenaline surely played a big part in it.                                                                                                                           

 I think another reason I was having that weird feeling was because, while this was not my first time with a man or with a teenage boy when I was a young panty wearing sissy discovering her sexuality, it was the first time that I actually began to develop a much stronger and more mature emotional attachment and feelings for a man. A man who I wanted to show affection to as a complete woman, even though he had known me as my male self in the past.                                                                   

  We went back inside and stood kissing in the living room and then to my bedroom without saying a word. We both knew , and there was nothing standing in our way now.

  It was uncomfortable at first, when the head of his cock first entered my sweet love hole. I wimpered  because of the sharp pain. He stopped to kiss me and asked if I was ok, but I don't believe I said anything. I simply nodded yes and smiled after the pain stopped and I got use to how it felt. 

  I cant remember how long we fucked our first time that evening, but it was an hour or more. Much of that time on my back with my legs spread or over his shoulders where I was finally able to take his full length inside me and keep it there, while he gently pumped his beautiful black cock in and out of me.   I held him inside me tight and locked my legs around him when he finally came.  The warm sensations of his semen and weird feelings running all through my body.                     

My life was about to change in a very big way....

                                                                          

              

To be continued.....

                                                                          

                                                                                                              

                                                                                   

Thoughts of a past boyfriend Part 1

I have mentioned in my past posts occasionally  about a man who became a serious boyfriend and the only real relationship I've ever really had with a man. Meeting, dating, living together as a couple, and all that goes with it.

Its been hard to talk about it, or put it into words until now. The scars are still there but have healed .When I hurt inside or feeling lonely, I think back to the good times I had with him and the love that grew between us.  

Many of my past posts have been about my search for the right guy, which have resulted in a "fling"....(Now we simply call them "hookups") ….My desire to be with a man  .. That desire is still there of course, and will be included in this, but this is more than that. It includes the joy, the pain, and all the things I found when falling in love with a man that I never expected.  At the time, I'm certain that he felt the same way about me.

I will try and recall as much as I can remember about our relationship here that took place in the early Summer of 2003 to  October 2008

We had met through Craigslist, back when they still had personal ads. I had weeded out a lot of replies to an ad I posted looking for  a boyfriend. One gentleman seemed quite charming and polite .  His name was Danny, and he was an older black gentleman whos wife had passed away about a year and a half ago.. He was involved in charity work, educated, and had a grown son. He admitted he had never been with a girl like me before. I assured him that while I still had my "boy parts" I was very much in tune with my feminine self, preferred sex the same way most women do, and physically and emotionally, I was attracted to men. He was also the first black man I had ever been with. ( You can read about my later experiences with black men in my earlier posts)

We finally made arrangements to meet one evening after talking on the phone,but here was the twist...

                                            We each knew each other from a few years back ! 

He knew me as my male self from some time ago through work!..."Omg" I thought at first ! 

What was funny, is that we had emailed and talked on the phone a few times before this, but  because his first and last name was fairly common, I really didn't give it any thought, especially since he also wasn't the type to be looking at Craigslist  personals ( Or so I thought!)

So, it hit me after we made plans to meet that evening and I hung up the phone. His name along with the voice struck me all at once. Why I was clueless up until then, I have no idea!
 The only thing to do was to call him back and explain this VERY awkward situation to him!  I was a nervous wreck and procrastinated for about an hour before holding my breath and finally calling him back.  I cant recall exactly, but I stammered a bit  trying to get the words out of my mouth!

To my surprise he said he knew too, and just sort of  figured it out through our conversations but he said he was ok with it ,.....it didn't make him change his mind about meeting me. He said he thought I was cute and that we had a lot to talk about. It was a bit surreal but pretty cool!


We arranged to meet at my place. I was comfortable since he knew from earlier and figured  that I would be safe, but it still felt weird and I was a bit nervous . I had a few drinks and smoked a little pot so that actually took the edge off....LOL

I still had over two hours get ready, so I took a shower with one of  my scented body washes, shaved my legs extra smooth, and spent a lot of time on my makeup. My toes were already painted, but I used the KISS  "press on" nails with the glue for my fingernails. I wanted to look cute but be comfortable.  I was going to wear a dress, but I wanted a more casual look, so  I wore a black and pink matching bra and pantie set, black leggings, flats, and a colorful blouse...…...  Wearing a dress would have made me more self conscious for a first time presenting as my female self with him.

I finished with a little time to spare and to try and relax a little before he arrived. 

When he arrived, we gave each other a small hug. A little awkward, but it was nice, and I invited him to sit in the living room and I offered him a drink.
 He chose water, and he said he wanted to talk about our situation.  He said he was open to being with me, but was unsure how he would feel. He told me  about his wife who had  passed away, and that he was lonely, but he had never been with a girl like me before...I told him I understood, and whatever happened was between us, and us, and I  suggested we "play it by ear" which he seemed to agree with.

  We listened to music and  talked about everything and seemed to be very open with each other. He held my hand the whole time we were talking and we sat close which I thought was very sweet .   It was late by the time we were done talking and it was after 1:30 as I remember. 

We hadn't even kissed yet that I remember, but I was ok with that because we were getting reacquainted, but in a different way. He held my hand and sat close to me and it was just fine with me. It seemed mutual that it was just a "meet and greet" but that we made the decision to see each other and see where it goes. 


 He said it was getting late and he should get going. I was pretty comfortable by now after all the talking we did and the glasses of wine I had been drinking certainly helped.  I told him he could stay the night if he wanted to.  We were standing and he held my waist with both hands. He looked me in the eyes and said "Are you sure?"  "Yes, it's ok, "I'd like it if you stayed "  I told him. 

He said  "Ok, I will then" he said, and I told him he could take a shower if he wanted to.  I gave him some fresh towels out of the cabinet and some guy things to wash with, as well as a pair of shorts if he wanted to wear them to bed, since all he had was the clothes on his back. 

                                       While he took a shower, I put on a pair of my PJs.

                                            It was late June and warm here in Virginia, so wanted to wear something light.  The picture above  is the closest thing I could to find to mine  just to give you an idea, except mine didn't have the same collar. ( I wish I still had them, but tossed them about a year ago after they started to become worn)

I made up the bed and waited for him to finish his shower. When he was done we went to my bedroom and got into bed.  He spooned me and held my waist. Nothing sexual at all, just holding me close, and I LOVE cuddling!

He held me and we fell asleep.

I ended up waking up sometime after 6 am. because I had to go to the bathroom. He was still asleep but I could feel his erection against my bottom which excited me a little. I went to pee and managed to get back in bed without waking him. He was still facing my side of the bed , so I just sort of slipped in next to him, so that we were spooning as before. 

 He was still hard and I enjoyed how it felt against me even if I still hadn't seen it or touched it yet.    It was turning me on, but I didn't want to wake him.


But my mind began to wander...…. It got the better of me, so  I reached behind me for his cock and placed it between my upper thighs and closed them so they were gripping his cock. While doing this, I gently played with the tip of it with my fingers, either in a circular motion with one finger, from the front of me.

                     I was amazed at the amount of precum that began to ooze out of the tip.

 It would get wet, stop for a little bit, and then get wet again. He was awake now and started kissing me on the back of the neck and behind my ears while holding my waist. The first kisses I remember getting from him.  I giggled softly and whispered "good morning" to him while continuing to hold his cock between my thighs and play with it.

He was breathing in my ear and could tell  he was enjoying it and I  loved the way he kissed me. 

It made me feel desirable and  gave me a tingly feeling all over my body and I was enjoying the attention.

He started pushing in and out between my thighs, and I continued to play with his cock while his precum dripped out of the tip, getting the inside of my thighs wet as well as the crotch of my panties. He told me he was going to cum soon and I continued stroking him.

He didn't  say much when he came, other than letting out a groan maybe, but he started shooting it all over me.  The best way I can describe it is the picture below...

I made sure to milk him good as he came and when he was finished, I kissed and licked the head of his cock then got up to clean myself off and also brought him back a towel . . His semen was all over my legs and tummy He told me how nice it felt, kissed me, and we actually went back to sleep for a few more hours.

When he left later that morning, he told me he had a nice time and that he would call me. 
I wasn't holding my breath and I had been told this several times by men before ( and it STILL happens) but I gave him the benefit of the doubt and told him that would be nice and that I had a nice evening getting reacquainted with him, (although in a much more intimate way obviously!)

About three or four days later he called me and I was pleasantly surprised. 

He asked me how I was doing and that he would like to see me again. 

             I was elated, and told him that I would like to see him again too.

 "How about Friday evening?  Would you like to have dinner with me?"
"That sounds nice, I can bring a dessert or a nice bottle of wine if you like" I said
"No, not at my place sweetie, I want to take you out!" he said in a confident tone. 

 I stammered a bit not knowing what to say.  

I had never been out much in public other than with a few other girls a few times and never out on an actual date with a man before. I also wasn't sure how passable I was and was pretty sure I could be "read" especially in a well lit restaurant crowded with people. It made me really nervous and I explained my fears to him.

He told me he understood, but that it was a small  Italian restaurant and dimly lit. He also told me that I was a lovely lady and I should feel more confident.  This made me feel good and perhaps he was right.  That wasn't even the best thing he said. What really made me feel good was what he said after.... 

"Look, you're with me. I'm proud to be with you and no one is going to bother you. "if they do, they'll have ME to deal with ! " He exclaimed.

I was totally in awe that a man could be so confident and not give a shit what anyone else thought, and the fact that he would be by my side looking after me the whole time spoke volumes about him and what he really thought of me.

I was flattered and because he assured me I would be safe with him, I said yes, although I was now a nervous wreck.  "What do I wear?"  "Will I be read?"  "Does he see me as a potential girlfriend?" These were some of  the questions running through my head.

Friday afternoon after work I began to get ready.  I didn't want to be overdressed but wasn't planning to wear jeans or leggings either, so I finally chose my black dress. Not too short  and knee length. I took a shower,did my makeup, and wore a lightly scented perfume. 

Makeup is the most time consuming thing for me and I'm sure many of you can relate. It took me years to finally learn the order and how to get the look I wanted.  To be honest I still struggle with it at times to get it right. Much thanks to YouTube and the few genetic women who have helped me!

I had been experimenting with eyeliner with  the winged look, so I thought I would go with it. My hands kept shaking  because I was nervous and  I actually had to take it off and start over a few times, but  I finally got the look I wanted.

He picked me up at 630. I saw him come up the driveway, grabbed my handbag and keys, and locked the door behind me.  I did this as quickly as I could, out of anxiety over being seen by my neighbors because I wasn't ( and still not ) fully out.  No one saw me as far as I know. I got into his car and off we went.

I don't remember much of the conversation on the way to the restaurant other than small talk, probably because I was nervous about the whole evening, but I was also excited about it all. Here I was with a handsome black gentleman being taken out and treated as a woman by someone who knew me as my male self a few years earlier. I felt lightheaded , happy, scared about going out , and wondering how the evening would go.